“It takes courage… to keep going.” I saw a quote posted by Cowboy Up today. And for those that don’t know, it’s a group in Maury Co TN that seeks to build awareness of suicide.
To prevent suicide. Educate others on the signs- YES, there are signs. I would say always. And they also provide HOPE.
Last year, I lost a loved one to suicide. And I myself almost died by my own hand- and by other means- during that time.
It is only by the grace of God I am still here. Answered prayers and friends and Jesus.
I was hospitalized under suicide watch. Diagnosed as depressed. Pumped full of meds. And sent on my way.
But if that was all that had been done, I would have been done.
I would not be here.
Thankfully. I had people walk beside me. Hold me accountable. Pray for me. Send me texts, emails, letters. Have conversations.
Because pain the kind that causes suicide is not fixed by a pill or a single week in and out of hospitals.
It’s not even fixed in 6 months of treatment and counseling.
Can I tell you that MY medicine actually made it worse? Because it did.
Can I tell you that my stay in a mental hospital made it worse? Because it did.
Can I tell you that YEARS of talk therapy aka counseling didn’t fix me or my problems? Because it didn’t.
But I DO believe you can be HEALED with all of the above-or less- WHEN JESUS is involved? Because God IS the only reason I’m still here.
He is the reason and HE is my purpose.
But a year later?
I am STILL picking up the pieces. Pieces of LIVES destroyed. Because who does depression and suicide hurt?
I’ve had amazing friends walk with me through the extreme pain and loss that followed. I’ve had understanding. Love. And prayers.
And I spent almost 6 months in a program called Mercy Multiplied recovering. Healing.
I am grateful for all of the above.
But in the midst of so much GOD. I’ve also been met with still more loss. More pain.
I’ve had friends leave. My reputation ruined.
I lost things and people in my life from the fallout of what I chose AND what was done to me that I can never get back.
And a year later?
The power of life and death are in the tongue.
And it only takes, what? Two minutes to send a text?
And in two minutes, you could be sowing hope and kindness.
Or … you could be hurting someone deeply.
Unless you have walked in someone else’s shoes, you can NOT tell them how to tie their laces. You can NOT.
You can empathize. Grieve. And comfort. But I assure you that unless you have walked through similar, GOD has not equipped you to speak into their circumstances.
I am grateful for groups like Cowboy Up. Who are educating on depression and suicide.
I am grateful to my friends who prayed for me. Who stepped in and confronted me, even when I didn’t agree.
I am grateful for the Maury County and Williamson County Police Departments for what they did for me and my loved one.
I am grateful for Mercy Multiplied because I realized I am not alone. And I met so many incredible people who I can personally attest that God saved them because the world would indeed be darker without their light.
And because of what I’ve been through. I CAN speak into the lives of others facing depression. Facing suicide. Victims of domestic violence. Who have survived. Or still need hope.
God HAS equipped me.
And I promise you. No matter how close we are or aren’t. I would sooner listen to your story and your pain. Than sit in at your funeral.
God NEEDS you. No matter how much you may believe otherwise. God needs you. Your friends need you. Your family needs you. Because you are a LIGHT.
Do not snuff out that light. You are loved and you matter and God has a plan. Even if you don’t see it right now.
It DOES take courage to keep going.
And to everyone. EVERYONE.
Be KIND. You have no idea how much thoughtless, careless words hurt. Even a year or more out from such pain.
It takes you but a couple of minutes to send that text. But it may impact the recipient for years to come.
Are you sending hope… Or hurt?
Love and Blessings always my friends. Always